


Article 20 Subsection 15: Dick Punching

by greenbergsays



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Civil War (Marvel), Coming Out, Dick Jokes, Fluff and Humor, Love Confessions, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 15:16:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5296277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenbergsays/pseuds/greenbergsays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You don’t mess with a man’s dick! It violates the Geneva Convention!”</p><p>--</p><p>Civil War trailer coda. Tony is very upset that Bucky decided to punch him in the dick during their, erm. <i>Disagreement</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Article 20 Subsection 15: Dick Punching

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Medie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Medie/gifts).



> There's no real explanation to this. You can choose to believe that their fight/divide was a carefully orchestrated hoax or you can believe that this takes place after everything has been resolved. Don't think it matters much either way since it's a hundred percent just schmoop and Tony complaining about his dick.
> 
> Medie, who is kind enough to read-through my fics before I post them and helps me come up with most of the titles, requested this and so I wrote it for her. :)

“You punched me in the dick!”

Steve reels back, eyes widening when the elevator doors open to reveal a furious Tony Stark. It’s not Steve he’s pointing an accusatory finger towards, though, which -- _good_ , because Steve knows good and damn well he did no such thing. Instead, Tony thrusts his bandaged finger emphatically in Bucky’s admittedly impassive face while holding _something_ to the area in question. Steve resolutely does not look too closely to figure out what it is or why.

“You _punched me_ ,” Tony says again, stepping closer. He’s already worked himself up into a fit of hysterics and it shows. “In the _dick_ , Barnes!”

“You punched him in the dick?” Steve asks, incredulous but still a few notches quieter.

“Will you -- _Jesus_ , Stark, quit that shit!” Bucky knocks his hand away as he looks at Steve and then -- _only_ then -- does something resembling remorse cross his face. “It was only a little, Stevie. For authenticity’s sake.”

A broad grin tugs at Steve’s lips and he is absolutely helpless to stop it from taking over his face. Not just at the nickname -- though, that definitely does bring a flutter to his chest -- but the cajoling tone. The excuse. The way Bucky’s looking at him, asking forgiveness without ever having to speak a word.

God. It’s -- it’s -- _fuck_. Steve missed this. He missed it so goddamn much and he hadn’t known, couldn’t possibly have fathomed, how lost he’d actually been without James Buchanan Barnes until his miracle had come back into his life.

Bucky’s expression softens in response to the emotions welling up within Steve because of course -- of _course_ \-- Bucky can still read him like a damn children’s book. Same way he can read Buck. They know each other so well, even after the seventy years they spent apart.

“‘s okay,” Steve replies quietly, his grin become smaller, more private, even if the emotion grows.

“The hell it is!” Tony exclaims, bringing Steve back to the world at large. Reminding him that a world _exists_ outside of familiar bright eyes and this consuming feeling. “This is my _dick_ we’re talking about, Rogers! You don’t mess with a man’s dick! It violates the Geneva Convention!”

Bucky scoffs, finally tearing his eyes away from Steve to level Tony with an unimpressed look. “It does not,” he says, rather childishly.

“How do you know?” Tony asks. He isn’t calming down but that isn’t anything unusual. “There were revisions after the second world war, Barnes! You have no idea what was added!”

“Yeah, I’m sure dick-punchin’ was at the top of their list,” Bucky replies sardonically. “Mind if we get outta the elevator now, pal? Usually, we have a rule. No dick talk in common areas.”

“It’s a good rule to have,” Steve tells Tony earnestly as he finally does step out of the elevator.

He doesn’t think too much about the fact that Bucky is perfectly in sync with him, just like they were during the fight. Moving seamlessly together like nothing at all has changed since 1945. Like they hadn’t been apart at all.

The elevator doors close behind them.

“I don’t think either of you are grasping the gravity of the situation here,” Tony hisses, glaring.

Bucky snorts. “Think you’re doin’ all the graspin’ for us, pal,” he says, giving a nod to where Tony still has something held to his -- er, _private area_. “Good lookin’ out.”

He goes to flop down on their couch -- _their_ couch, Bucky doesn’t know it yet but it belongs to him as much as it belongs to Steve; everything of Steve’s does -- and Steve follows, tugged toward him by an invisible string that tied itself to his soul the very moment Bucky accepted his and Sam’s help.

He doesn’t bring attention to the rigidity of Bucky’s movements, how his sprawl and the flop that came before it are purposeful and forced. Bucky is making an effort to appear casual, to act like the Bucky Barnes of 1939; the Bucky he was before war darkened him forever. It’s how he gets by in front of the others. Always putting on a show, always making a point to act like Bucky and never the Soldier.

When they’re alone, it changes. Bucky is still there, of course, but the Soldier is, too. Steve is the only person that Bucky trusts enough right now to see the truth of him; to see all the ways in which the Soldier is now a permanent part of him, no matter what they do or how anyone feels about it. It’s humbling -- so incredibly humbling -- to know that even when Bucky doesn’t trust anyone, he trusts Steve.

“Barnes,” Tony says seriously. His voice is finally at a more reasonable tone as he sits on the coffee table in front of the couch and sets the unidentifiable object previously held to his lower regions onto the glass beside him; it turns out to be an ice pack. “Barnes, I am trying very hard to accept you and your old-timey ways just as I’ve come to accept your bosom brother. But you straight up _punched me_ in the _dick_. Now, I don’t know how things were done back in the day, but we do not dick punch now, understand? I mean, _I_ would never punch _you_ in the dick --”

“Thank God,” Steve mutters, unable to keep the thought in the privacy of his own head.

It’s just -- he’s very fond of Bucky’s dick, always has been. And no, they haven’t really -- he hasn’t really -- well, there’s not been a chance to reacquaint _biblically_ or anything, but there’s still the smallest kernel of hope. A possibility that it could happen, despite everything. A possibility that could be ruined if Tony decided to retaliate for apparent dick-punching.

Steve would rather not have possibilities like that be ruined by revenge. It’s been seventy years, after all. He really misses -- well, sex. With James Barnes.

“Thank _God_?” Tony exclaims and Steve winces. They’d almost been in the clear. _So_ close to Tony tiring himself out and then Steve had to go and open his mouth. “You’re more worried about _his_ dick than _mine_? That hurts, Rogers! That hurts me down to my -- to my dick, actually, since your best friend _punched it_.”

“Now listen here, Stark,” Bucky says, leaning forward. Tony gulps and leans back a little. “You go trynna get Stevie here to care about your dick that much, I might have to ask your Miss Potts out on a date to show you how it feels.”

Tony blinks. And then blinks again.

“Wait, you two --” He looks at Steve, whose face is suddenly burning. “ _Really?_ That’s -- well, actually, that explains a _lot_. Wow, Cap, what gives? You couldn’t speak up before now?”

“Not exactly a thing people bring up casually, even today,” Steve says defensively. “Might I remind you, it was _illegal_ in my day.”

He looks over at Bucky, curious, and he doesn’t even need to ask before Bucky’s shrugging, one side of his mouth quirking up in a self-deprecating smile.

“Spent two years on the run, Stevie,” he answers. “Learned a lot about this new century, had the chance to -- well, to get used to things.”

Steve’s blush becomes, if possible, even more pronounced. He looks away in a sudden bout of shyness that he hasn’t felt in _years_. He’s suddenly aware of how close their hands on, resting on the same cushion between them mere centimeters apart. It wouldn’t take any effort at all to --

In the blink of an eye, his pinky rests over Bucky’s. Just that little contact sends his heart racing, reminiscent of the first time they touched so purposefully. God, he feels like a teenager again.

“And you still...?” He asks, hating himself because he has to know.

“Shit, yeah,” Bucky replies. His hand is suddenly over Steve’s, holding it firmly, squeezing. “Even if nothin’ had changed, even if it was all the same, I’d still.”

“Oh.” Steve grins. “That’s -- good. That’s good.”

He finally looks up. Bucky watches him with a tender expression, the affection so apparent that Steve forgets how to breathe. He thinks he leans closer. He thinks Bucky does, too. The air between them is charged. Steve’s body feels magnetized, helplessly pulled forward.

“If you two get any closer,” Tony threatens. “I’ll punch you _both_ in the dick.”

**Author's Note:**

> That newfangled [Tumblr](http://greenbergsays.tumblr.com/) thing. I am frequently found there. :P


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